Journal of Anya Fire-Heart – Loredas, 27th of Hearthfire, 4th Era, Year 201
This morning I left Lakeview Manor and traveled by carriage to Whiterun, then there was only a short journey to the east up into the hills to Fellglow Keep which is an old fortress. Along the way was only a bear and some wolves. I arrived at Fellglow and was greeted by a Flame Atronach and two wizards. There is one thing that I am learning is Faralda’s advice is true and that those creatures that are immune to flame make my flame spells and breath nearly useless, which is why I am thankful for the Ebony Blade.
The first encounter I ran into once entered a small door the Flame Atronach was guarding, the main doors being barred from the inside, was a Frost Mage and two spiders. The spiders were blown apart by a Fire Rune and then I closed the gap with Frost Mage. In contrast to opponents who use fire. Frost Magic pretty much bounces off me. My Nord blood and the Atronach Stone’s blessing pretty much make me immune. My Flame cloak and the Ebony Blade made short work of him.
What followed this was running into various groups of mages doing different experiments. The first of which was a group who had captured several vampires which they had as prisoners. In a stroke of inspiration I let the vampires free after killing the one mage guarding them. They exacted their vengeance on their captors in a battle in the next room. It was three of them against three mages and when it was all over only one vampire remained. It looked at me with hungry eyes but then left the room walking right past me to freedom. I thought about killing it but then why bother. The vampires had done me a service for freeing them and in return the final vampire and I simply parted calling it even.
These mages were all rich in one thing – books. Everywhere I found books on shelves. Many of these I had already in my main library but I was building a secondary library to trade books from to others. Urag might want a book I already had and I had run into others who were looking for specific books. While I would be reluctant to part with a book in my main collection, if I had it in the backup collection I could trade it with less reservation. My backpack began to swell with books.
The next room of significance was the prison room. It had three cells and in one of them was Orthorn. I had to kill a mage and three wolves but I finally found myself in front of Orthorn asking where the stolen books were. He told me that The Caller had taken them. He offered to stay with me but I told him not to bother. He volunteered to follow me but I told him quite frankly he made me sick and that he should just head back to the College of Winterhold. I have little trust of traitors watching my back.
I continued on. I found two mages practicing spells and another was looking on giving instruction. I waited until they had pretty much expended all their magicka and then struck. I killed the instructor mage first and then the other two were easily dispatched. I suppose it did however help that my Flame Breath hit them all first. After this, I encountered two necromancers in a crypt. I fought and killed them along with the six skeletons that burst out from coffins. I went on and found myself going upward in the main part of Fellglow Keep.
Fellglow Keep itself was a battle of destroying various types of mages along with a few summoned atronachs. First there were summoners and a Flame Atronach. Then I found the main chamber that leads to the outside it was guarded by two mages and a Frost Atronach. The Atronach melted before my Breath and the mages crumpled before the Ebony Blade. I found a side chamber where the mages slept and slaughtered two more of them. I found an Enchantment table and did some work there briefly.
I continued on and found a room with two rings of bookshelves that was obviously a library of sorts. I killed two mages there and took any books that were still intact. I headed through the continuing passage to find what I must assume to be the place where leaders of the group lived as there were two private rooms the first was fairly ordinary but at least a person could live there by themselves. The second was far more comfortable with two chambers. One for eating and the other had a double bed for sleeping. This second pair of rooms was clearly the home of The Caller but it looked like another person lived here as well. Probably a lover based on how the bedroom smelled. There was a mage and a Flame Atronach that I had to kill in these rooms connected to the hallway. I finally made my way up into the Final upper level of the keep.
The Ritual Chamber where the Caller was located was fairly vast. It had small chambers that were connected to it but on it also had three places for books including a central pulpit. The Caller herself was actually only slightly upset that I had destroyed everything. I told her I had come for the book Orthorn had stolen. She said that she was disappointed that I was only Savos Aren’s lackey. She told me she was not going to part with the books so a battle ensued. She summoned Flame Atronach after Flame Atronach. The chamber also allowed her to teleport out of trouble from time to time. It was an epic battle but in the end the high elf mage known as The Caller was dead at my feet, although I was glad for my Fast Healing Spell several times in the encounter.
I took all three books and began to examine them. One was Night of Tears which once I quickly read parts of it looked like it had information relevant to the Orb we had discovered. I found a key on the Caller that opened a door to a storage room which had quite a few treasures that I quickly collected. I then found my way out of he Keep and after a run back to Whiterun made the decision to head back to Lakeview Manor. I simply had too many books and needed to get them back to my library.
This whole encounter has left me in a whirl personally. This was particularly evident from the fact these mages were not just engaged in freely practicing magic but a freedom of ethics and morality of sorts. The Caller herself conjured in my thoughts of a woman who experimented in powerful magics during the day and engaged a lover passionately at night. I must freely admit this image of a woman in control of both her work and personal life is an attractive one.
Not that my personal life has gone anything beyond a little infatuation with a couple of men which I know in my heart will never go further than it is. Ralof is too much of an honorable Nord and Ulfric will undoubtedly marry for political reasons. That said, I find that since my time of being a slave to the bandits, my views on intimacy have changed. I used to, like any other girl I imagine, pleasure myself from time to time in bed dreaming foolish girl dreams of nights of lustful passion with the man of my dreams. After a month of continual rape however, intimacy with men is certainly distasteful to me.
I haven’t even bothered to pleasure myself since either. Physically I am healed completely, but inside I still burn with rage. I would rather burn a man to ash than make love to one. Women who basically sell or compromise their bodies for gain I find repugnant as well. I find though this encounter has me think on what pleasure I am missing from not enjoying life or intimacy. Father was after all as devoted to Dibella as he was Talos. Mother always said he was a horny bastard but she said it with a naughty smile. Mother was a priestess of the Nine with Talos as center but she certainly didn’t shy away from Dibella’s teachings or feast days either. I want to find a love like they had, but I feel broken. The only time I am at peace is when I am at the forge or burning and slashing my enemies. Fire and Steel are my solace not love.
Perhaps when I am done with this trip north, I will head to Markarth. Perhaps, my broken womanhood can be restored by the priestesses of Dibella. However, tomorrow I will once again make the trip north. The goals remain the same for now. The missions for the Companions, Dark Brotherhood and Bard’s College remain. They will be done.
Next: Hob’s Fall Cave